Grief in Today

by Amy Wilson

On a quick internet search for our world’s definition of grief, here’s what AI responded with:

Grief is the deep and poignant emotional distress caused by the loss of someone or something important, particularly through death. It encompasses a range of emotional, physical, and psychological responses to loss.

 mentalhealth-uk.org Wikipedia

While this may be a decent, overarching definition, it doesn’t capture how individualistic grief is. Your reaction to a loss may not be the same as mine, nor your feelings (and the intensity of those feelings) the same as mine. Some may try to comfort another in times of deep anguish, and the grieving person often greatly appreciates the effort, but that person knows there is truly nothing that can be said or done to restore what was lost. It is “just something one has to work through in their own time.” Some people try to encourage getting back into a routine and going about life as quickly as possible. While structure and routine are concepts that CCTI highly encourages through our STOP Model, we recognize that talking and time, and parental (or peer) support are equally as vital. Unfortunately, there is not a prescription or a set number of days that is acceptable for helping a person move past their grief. With all of this in mind, how do we recognize when someone is “stuck” in their grief?

Often, we need to look for progression. Is a grieving person working towards meeting their personal needs and meeting their obligations after a couple of weeks have passed? Seeing this person re-enter the world does not mean their grief has ended, but it is a great first step towards regaining that structure needed. Encouragement for this progression should be offered, while also recognizing that they are still in the midst of grief. Offer a listening ear, help with a task, and patience as he or she works back into their routine and tasks. As we know. Organized Play is a great way to help a person open up to talking and sharing their feelings and experiences. Offer to go on a walk, play a game of basketball or tennis, sit and knit together- whatever is something you can both do and enjoy- and let the person take the lead on when they are ready to talk. This moves us into that Talking and Time when that person is ready. It may not occur on the first Organized Play event (or the second or third), but it does give that person the knowledge that you are there with them and available, that you are not going anywhere or trying to rush the process. You are willing to take on that role of Parental (Peer) Support and want to help them if they are triggered, want to process verbally, or just don’t want to be alone.

What happens if we see that a person is not progressing or willing to participate in any of the suggestions above? As we will see in the next article from The Colson Center, more and more individuals are finding a new identity in their struggles and allowing the enemy to keep them from moving forward. As a Christian, this is not truthful or loving. We have to gently remind them that this is not God’s design for those still here on earth. If we have breath, then we have purpose. We have to look for what good God has allowed to occur in the midst of the tragedy. Maybe you are the one to help gently point that good out when the other cannot or will not see it. We have to remind the grieving person that this is not who they are or their new identity. Give them a daily task to look for one good thing each day. Help that person to find reasons to be thankful again and work back into their life with the new norm of that person or things no longer being a part of it. If you see that a person is not willing to move forward despite your and others’ efforts, that may be a sign that professional help should be sought.

Grief is not what God designed for our world, and sadly it is part of the fall. All the parts of our being (physically, emotionally, spiritually) know this truth, and we have to cling to His promises for what is to come. May we all find ways to cling to God’s Word, His truths, and His promises, and to encourage others in them when tragedy comes our way!

Psalm 119: 25-32, ESV

²⁵ My soul clings to the dust;
    give me life according to your word!
²⁶ When I told of my ways, you answered me;
    teach me your statutes!
²⁷ Make me understand the way of your precepts,
    and I will meditate on your wondrous works.
²⁸ My soul melts away for sorrow;
    strengthen me according to your word!
²⁹ Put false ways far from me
    and graciously teach me your law!
³⁰ I have chosen the way of faithfulness;
    I set your rules before me.
³¹ I cling to your testimonies, O Lord;
    let me not be put to shame!
³² I will run in the way of your commandments
    when you enlarge my heart!^[a]